Welcome to Boldschoolers! Today, we're going to talk about positive frames and environments of optimism. Eight-year-old Jackson told me that he liked homeschooling because he got to go on vacations during the year and he could just do his school from wherever he was. He said that his friends near his house who went to regular school got long vacations sometimes, while he worked throughout the whole year. I thought he was lamenting the fact, but then he surprised me when he said how much he liked being able to work all year round. He said in a whisper, “It means I’ll be a lot smarter than them because I get so much more time to learn.”
I thought that was a pretty powerful perspective for a kid to have about working when his friends were playing. He was completely serious and thankful for the opportunity. I immediately wondered if his parents had worked on that perspective in some way or if Jackson had come to the conclusion on his own.
There’s an activity a friend of mine, Rich Allen, does in his trainings with teachers. He describes a minor car accident and asks the pairs of participants to take turns telling each other the story of the car accident with all its details. They each take turns making up a 3-minute story to describe the unfortunate event. Then, he asks them to tell the story all over again, but this time, with one small change. He asks them to tell the story over again as if it was the best and greatest, most wonderful thing that ever happened to them. Even if they have to lie…just a little. Everyone inevitable starts nervously laughing wondering how the heck they are going to make something so obviously bad into something marvelous. With a little creativity, participants find that they can indeed change the story into a positive one. Sometimes that involves attractive men and women in the other car, old friends and other, more serious, accidents that are avoided. They also discover that both stories are equally true. It just depends upon one’s perspective at the moment of viewing the event.
The frames that we put around the events in our lives influence us to decide whether events are good or bad. In and of themselves, events have no meaning. We decide based on our perspective in the moment.
When Jackson started to tell me the story of his working year-round, I immediately went to “this is a bad experience for him.” But he didn’t view it that way at all. We move through life with our frames pretty much predetermined. There’s an awareness that comes from being able to identify your frame and see it for what it is. Maybe it serves us and maybe it doesn’t. We see the world and tell our life stories according to ...us.
I was again surprised when I chatted with a group of third graders about their experience of school. Matthew went to a fairly structured program twice per week after doing mostly self-directed learning for the duration of his educational life. He started to tell me about the vendor program he attended and that they had tests every morning. I listened, waiting for the revelation of how horrible the tests were and how he hated that part of his day. Instead, Matthew began to tell me that he considered taking the morning tests as one of the best parts of his day. He liked the tests in the morning, he looked forward to them, and he also liked getting to play soccer later in the day. I sat there marveling at him and once again telling myself that I can assume nothing. Kids educated outside of school will continue to surprise me because they don’t share the same negative experiences of school as many other kids do. Homeschooled kids beg for homework and can’t wait to take a test so they can show what they know. There’s little comparison’s to others, replaced instead by opportunities to master what isn’t yet known. There aren’t any grades and nothing to fear from incorrect answers. It’s just feedback that can be applied immediately towards better understanding.
We each have our own negative and positive frames dredged forward from our childhood and other past experiences. Be aware of those frames, so we don’t put them onto our children. We might like or not like particular subject areas, we may find it hard to take notes or study or maybe we just don’t like the structure of school. Our kids, however, may love what we despise because the motivation behind what they do is probably a “get-to” not a “have-to.” That makes all the difference.
Celebrations and an environment of optimism can fuel a positive frame. You might brighten your learning environment through music, cups of tea or special snacks, sparkly pens or paper or change location to learn outside under a tree with the dog or underneath a blanket fort. Adding a bit of magic to the space can brighten a daily frame. Time for flow activities, often considered play, and time for recovery all musts for a positive frame, as well.
Kids usually love parties and celebrations and these are a great way to not only acknowledge learning, but also become the learning. We can celebrate learning new things with high-fives and fist bumps, two-minute dance parties and sharing what was learned with others. Sprinkling mini-celebrations throughout the day creates a positive, playful learning space.
We can build a culture that embraces risk by celebrating mistakes through weekly Greatest Fail parties and openly sharing our own flaws and errors. Such opportunities help to encourage honesty, transparency and a willingness to try new things.
Parties and celebrations can be a great way to learn about a new topic. One of my families planned an astronomy party that took place in the backyard with family and a few friends, a telescope, constellation map, and a backyard picnic dinner. The kids even pitched a tent and slept outside for the night. You might plan a party centered around a particular time in history and invite friends and neighbors to dress up, experience activities of the time, partake in historical foods, song and dance, etc. Parties are wonderful ways to bring learning alive, create a collective experience and boost intrinsic motivation.
Our kids take their cues from us and often our tone, our mood, and our frame is the one that’s contagious. Be aware and make sure you have wellbeing practices that keep you nourished, so you’re ready and able to create positive frames for your children.
Leave me a comment: Positively frame something for your child today and let me know how it goes.
