Sometimes when children are working on schoolwork at home, unwanted anxiety can disrupt happy learning. Allow your child to lean into you through simple partnership.
Seven-year-old Anna sat me down for a heart-to heart about several gripes she had with her schooling experience. Maybe you or your child is feeling the same way. Rarely are educational challenges the kid’s problem. Instead, they are opportunities for us adults to shift something in our methods or in the environment in order to make everyone’s life easier.
The first thing Anna said to me was, “I don’t like when I have to sit alone.” Anna’s mother had explained to me that they sat together for much of the time, learning new things and when her mother felt like Anna had the ideas down, she let her practice on her own.
This seems completely reasonable! Does Anna’s mother really have to sit next to her the entire time she's learning something? Us mamas have a million things to do and schoolwork is only one of the many things pulling on us all day long. Anna should be able to do the work she just completed when mom was sitting right next to her, right?
Maybe.
The reality is that little ones, Anna’s age, are firmly rooted in the partnering stage of learning. When we partner with our child, we lend not only our brain, but also our emotions, our body, our physical presence. Your child may not need your brain, if the concepts are firmly grasped, but she might need the moral support or the physical presence you can provide, simply from a kind word or just being there energetically in the vicinity.
This doesn’t mean that kids don’t get to struggle a little bit, to figure things out on their own, but that’s where your physical presence can make the most difference. Your child will feel that energetic boost to be able to confidently take on the challenge of figuring out something that’s a bit tricky.
Take a pulse of the situation in the moment and perhaps have a basket of your to-do chores ready to pull out next to you. You may be able to do your work while your child does her work. You may not need to say a word, but simply be nearby. Your child might need a few words of calm encouragement or she might even need a bit of reteaching.
Partnering can take several forms from doing an activity with your child, to doing part of an activity, to offering emotional encouragement, to simply sitting or working nearby. Whenever your child is learning outside of school, whether working on homework or as part of your child's daily education, start to be sensitive to what type of partnering your child needs. When a child is still learning the basics, partnering will be more extensive. Once the basics are grasped, you will build in autonomy and much more easily be able to leave children to practice on their own.
