Do you ever lie in bed at night and feel like you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way? Raising little humans is a joy, but most of us probably have those days where we are exhausted, stressed and wondering how we’re going to wake up the next day and do it all again.
We all have the same 24 hours in a day, but we each choose how we’ll spend it. Sometimes it feels as if we don’t even have a minute of peace. One of my earliest memories from when I was maybe six or seven was bounding through the door into the bathroom where my mom was sitting on the toilet and I started to tell her whatever I wanted to tell her. Exasperated, she had a slight edge to her voice, asking me why she couldn’t get a moment to herself. I remember being confused as a kid, not thinking moments by herself were even something she considered. Why would she want to be by herself when I was there? It hit me emotionally, which is probably why I still remember it so clearly. Moments of solitude bring us peace of mind, lift our spirits and refuel our engines, so we can be truly present with the people we care about.
When my own kids were young I remember hiding out in the bathroom for those few precious moments. We set the bar very low for ourselves and perhaps we need to do a better job at creating a real leisure life, one that lifts our souls and makes our hearts sing. My mothers other favorite comment said in the friendliest of voice, “Lincoln freed all the slaves, but one.” I never understood that one either, as a kid, but of course as I mother I understand exactly what she was feeling.
We need space to breath, to move, to explore our own deepest longings and momentary curiosities. How can you create that space for yourself?
I’ve heard time and time again that the busiest people are the most productive. I’ve seen that to be true in my own life and perhaps it’s true in yours. Unless I make committed plans, though, it’s easy to relax on the sofa after each exhausting day, numb to the opportunities surrounding us.
Yes, you are busy, frightfully so, but snuffing out your flames of inspiration because you’re too busy, isn’t a viable option. Your curiosities matter, your dreams matter. Find the time and space to support yourself in this because you are your best advocate.
Here’s your first step. Take out a piece of paper and write down twenty activities that you’re at least slightly curious about. This activity is for you. You are not focused on your child or your spouse in this moment.
Once you have your list together, draw some colored circles around ideas that intersect in some way. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn to dance the salsa or tango and maybe you also want to explore the cuisines of South America. Maybe you know some Spanish, but want to improve your skills. Maybe you would like to travel and you would like to learn more about some South American countries. Whatever your curiosities, you get the idea. See if you can connect them, even remotely. Our motivation is strongest in those areas where we can connect our curiosities.
Maybe you can’t take off tomorrow on a trip to South America. “Who are you kidding, Laura?” But, maybe you can get a phone app and start to work on your Spanish regularly. Maybe you can take a cooking class in an interesting style of cuisine. Maybe you can attend a local dance class once a week. You don’t need to spend hours poking around a passion to dramatically change your life. Twenty minutes a day, a couple hours a week, depending on your familial responsibilities will enrich your life and uplift the dream. You might tell me that there’s no way you can find the time.
Think through your day, your week. Nearly everyone can find two hours split across the week. I bet you can and if you’re struggling to find it, it’s time to reach out to your community for support. Helping to give other parents the gift of a high-quality leisure life, the time and space to tickle a curiosity or follow a passion, breathes life into each of our families. Trade time with another mama, enroll your kids in a vendor class, and use that time to explore a curiosity or two of your own. Do NOT use the time to catch up on housework, phone calls or email. This is YOUR time, not time to stay stuck in familiar patterns.
For me, I often like to explore something I can do with my hands. I might learn a craft or start a physical project. Right now, I’m working on learning embroidery, but in the past, I’ve learned how to make homemade bread, how to needle felt, how to make homemade greeting cards, woodworking, dancing, calligraphy, watercolor painting, photography, homemade kombucha, Chinese cooking, Japanese cooking, to name just a few. The possibilities are endless.
Over the next few weeks, we’re going to talk about how exactly to maximize the time we have to pursue a high-quality leisure life, to find flow, even in the midst of busy chaos. Until then, Happy Boldschooling!
